the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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