Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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