We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize