Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry about my life...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
