Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
