And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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