If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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