We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Randomize
