1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
tell me about the fingering
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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