if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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