Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize