Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
