He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
