I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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