ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
