no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
