She's JV to your varsity
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
