So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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