Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
