hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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