Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
