I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this just has baby written all over it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
