My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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