Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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