You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize