the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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