I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
