Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
