For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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