If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
