im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
