I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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