accomplished twins. life is a go
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
