Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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