Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
