I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
