his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
