my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
