Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
