He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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