Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
