May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
