Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
