Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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