he puts the penis in happiness.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
