wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
