My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
