Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
