Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
