i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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