Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
