I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
