I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
