she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
