I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
