it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
