You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
