she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
