I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
