Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
