WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
