the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
