Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize