I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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