Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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