I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
