just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
