Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize