friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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