I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
