Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
