I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
